Wednesday, January 24, 2007

It used to be masks, now it's neuroses!

Do you remember a time, probably as teenager or college student, when you were all excited and philosophical because "man, we're all, like, wearing these masks! It's what we show the world! Like I'm Mr. Banker and you're Mrs. Housewife and they're all so fake. They're not real!"

I certainly remember that. It was that big revelation or, at least, it sounded cool, like I understood that people were not being real.

It occurred to me today that I was no longer think about people wearing their masks, but I was instead fascinated by a disconnect with self perception and external perception. I was in a bad mood today, grumbly inside and made worse by several pressures from several different people at work. While chatting with someone he pointed out that he never thought I was in a bad mood. That's the great thing about inside your brain and outside - you almost never come across like you think you do. I was going to say that you almost never come across as bad as you think you are - but then I realized that there are the clueless people who are assholes or annoying but they don't see it.

To me it represents a switch to were there's not as much putting on a face but a real lack of understanding exactly how you come across. It happens all the time that how we thought we were acting, how very certain we didn't "come across a certain way" is different than it came across to someone else, perhaps to everyone else you ran into that day.

And then there are the misunderstandings, simple differences in interpretations of use of words, or tone of voice, or tone of email. How'd it all get so complicated?

Modern angst fascinates me since, apparently, it is so pervasive in one form or another. Graphic novels, for example, started exploring superheroes from emotional standpoints and psychological issues. These types of issues have, I assume, always been around, it just became more in line with society to start interpreting those feelings, discussing them, finding a name for conditions and, hopefully, addressing them with therapy or drugs.

One last night on that last thought. Becca's friend Nick was talking one day about how much he enjoyed the opening up that he sees as more intrinsic to Americans than in Brits. He was able to talk about more things with his family than he would have had he not lived in the U.S. A lovely thing. Perhaps we're not all just crazy, neurotics all the time :)

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